I’m in the later stages of the project! The archive is mostly completed, with inventory lists, photography, and the interview ready to be stored in a database.
The other half of this project is a critical publication, using the archive as a basis. After our three hour conversation, Belén suggested I use the interview as a resource in the publication, and contribute my own writing to the book.
While extremely honored she felt comfortable with me and my writing style, I have some reservations.
Most of my writing for undergrad had been about critical theory and media. I often would focus on different types of critical readings of text, such as using the cast and crew of the 1991 film, Paris is Burning, as a case study of the performance aspect of gender. One of the biggest criticisms of the film, however, was the director’s absence and disregard for the subjects of the documentary after it was released. I bring this up, as it is an anxiety of mine, that as a researcher, I’m deeply entwined with my subject.
Writing about art, especially when the subject is a friend, can be an intricate and delicate process. My challenge lies in balancing objectivity with personal affection, ensuring that the work is presented fairly and truthfully without letting personal biases color the narrative. There's also the pressure of capturing the artist's vision and intent accurately, all while being mindful of the broader audience who may be seeing this work for the first time. It’s one thing when an essay is written for one professor to look over, but the thought of having potentially hundreds of people reading my words adds an extra layer of anxiety, as the words chosen can influence public perception and even the artist's career.
The struggle is to maintain authenticity and respect while crafting a narrative that resonates with both the artist and the audience. Continuing with these anxieties, I worry I’m not the best writer. It is a constant struggle of mine to get my thoughts out on paper.
I’m a very tactile person- I remember in both undergrad and graduate studies when I had a big essay due, I would often write my papers by hand at first. For me, typed documents seem like a “final” writing draft. Maybe it was because I was in the last generation where we still used pen and paper in elementary school, or it just helped me best to work out my ideas, but physically writing down essays is the best way for me to get a project going. Much like Belén, my notebooks are filled with random thoughts and jots of writing, as I work out an idea to either focus on or flesh out later.
These blog posts, for example, usually start out with a note or idea I jotted down earlier in the week. It has been a great process to get back into writing, as I often struggle even starting the process. While these posts are relatively short, they can still take me hours to start. Whether it’s anxiety or just a lack of an idea, these posts have been a struggle to complete sometimes. However, they are also the reason why Belén asked me to write for the critical publication. I guess I have to be doing something right- as these examples of my writing gave Belén the confidence to ask. I can only hope that I can overcome these anxieties to produce a great end product.
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